Bears - like humans, rats and cockroaches, are omnivores. They will eat pretty much any disgusting thing you put in front of them. Cheese is, essentially, just milk gone wrong.
That boring stability is responsible for everything from lead pencils to your own existence! Show some respect. We could be laundered with that sissy calcium instead.
Graphite might be nice, but I'm not carbon based; I don't exist. I'm just a widely believed myth. (seriously, check snopes before believing everyone you meet on the internet is real)
I had to sign up just because I can't believe that this has turned into a conversation about Chemistry.
Also, because Daisy Owl is the most awesome thing on the Internet.
Huzzah! This jest did amuse me, I am pleased. In other news, can we wage war on our own base element? And have something more interesting, like sulphur instead? I'm almost certain everything would work out fine.
I know Steve's pain. To have experienced the perfect cheese once, and never again to know it's cheesy awesomeness. Curse you lactose intolerance, curse you!
Cheese with salami in it doesn't qualify as cheese any more than cranberry mustard qualify's as mustard. That's a state law in Wisconsin and soon to be a Federal Ordinance I think.
No. Have you ever tasted American cheese? It's like someone melted orange plastic on a brick of shit and covered it in earwax. Then they sold it to McDonalds.
Since all the comments are in the same thread they are too close to being funny by definition. Think before you comment consarn it. Or are you too distraught by Steve's cheese experience?
As for poor Steve, Edam well better Brie more careful before he goes into another cheese shop...those places are filled with unknown dangers. It Bel Paese to be cautious when entering the world of fermented curds.
I couldn't Kwaito any longer to make one of my own! I thought, pnqn, I though "you better Brimsen more humor this time, you're losing it." Unfortunately, this is Harzer than it looks.
I should point out to my American friends that Gloucester is pronounced gloss-ter, not glow-cess-ter.
I don't know what's worse, making a pun, or explaining it afterwards. Only surrounded by so many other willing punners can I feel safe, and Brie a sigh of relief.
I wish all the cheese related puns weren't taken so I could get in on this. I wasn't afraid of cheese till I discovered it came in cottage form. Cheese and cottages aren't meant to be together.
Well, wide-range sampling inherently means an overdose of cheese, you just do it with more variety. No matter what you focus on, you give yourself some serious medical problems, and you can't pin down what did it.
I also instantly thought of the cheese shop sketch. Incidentally, I imagine I am one of the few who do not fear cheese, because I am actually pretty into cheeses.
Inexperienced lad to pharmacist:
(Awkwardly.)
"Excuse me sir, but I am looking for the best rubber there is."
Pharmacist/prophylactic connoisseur:
"What do you mean?"
Lad:
"Um, you know.... um... er.... I.... "
Pharmacist/prophylactic connoisseur:
" No problem. Can you remember the texture? Was it like a Trojan Ultra-Ribbed-Pleasure-Deluxe or a Shaggodelic French-Glow-Worm Nubbly-Bumper?"
Lad:
"I...
I have to go now... This was a mistake. I'm so sorry."
(Runs off into the night.)
Pharmacist/prophylactic connoisseur:
(As little bell on door jingles.)
"Damn."
How can you tell without the perfect cheese to match them with? Oh, a conundrum that even the gods of Dairy cannot fathom an answer to... the woe of the unknowable, which you can only ponder for century upon century, never realizing that a panicked split-second decision is all you ever really needed to search your heart and find the answer true...
The fact that I am living to the chipmunk's rendition of "Home" by Chris Daughtry provided the background music and in the whole scene unfolded in slow motion in my mind, with Alvin serenading.
Now whenever I think of packaging, I will get caught in a loop trying to figure out what levels are high enough not to count. Is a country packaging? A planet? A universe?
I feel bad for the cheese man. Steve may be alone and cheese-less tonight, but the shop owner has to live with the pain of watching countless souls flee from the subtle yet beautiful world of cheese. He doesn't judge their less refined understanding of cheeses; he merely wants to guide them into a more delicious existence.
This is surely madness! I am at one with bacon, but the fat can indeed be bad. It take just the right temperature and time to make the fat of bacons crispy, but if there is too much fat, trouble is afoot.
Comments - page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Boss Tweedy (+49)
9 months ago
Rated +10
Driscoll, I had to make an account just to tell you that this is the funniest thing on the internet.
And also, I didn't know bears ate cheese.
Jonny (+1492)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Or crackers, as Panel 9 demonstrates. My god, you learn something every day!
monkeyfinger (+55)
9 months ago
Rated +3
At first I thought it was a tiny croissant. But then the box...
Dog Breath (+2416) (mod)
9 months ago
Rated +3
He drinks beer, so crackers are a given, and pretzels.
PFC blue (+233)
9 months ago
Rated +3
Excelsior!
Jonny (+1492)
9 months ago
Rated 0
Indeedy.
EpicBeard (+19)
9 months ago
Rated 0
I'm sure peanuts are big too.
Unbalanced (+28)
9 months ago
Rated +2
He has no cheese to his cracker :(
DaveJunior (+16)
9 months ago
Rated +1
This is just too sad.
DaisyDaisy (+53)
9 months ago
Rated +3
Every time you comment, all I hear is Professor Frink out of your avatar.
zetoastking (+342)
9 months ago
Rated +2
I thought it was just me...
NNNNG-HAY!
Jonny (+1492)
8 months ago
Rated +1
How *glavin* observant of you. 0_o
tom (+222)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Oh sure! Bears eat all things that are made by bees, including milk and bacon.
sarcasmic (+60)
9 months ago
Rated +2
mmmmm. Honey Bacon. Steve must get on researching this at once!
Jonny (+1492)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Well, they do honey roast ham, so why not?
sarcasmic (+60)
9 months ago
Rated +1
true dat. NNNG- HAY. everyone now has to say that if they respond.
tim (+5)
8 months ago
Rated +1
Agreed......*Ga-hoyven!*
Princewolf (+411)
9 months ago
Rated +4
Bears - like humans, rats and cockroaches, are omnivores. They will eat pretty much any disgusting thing you put in front of them. Cheese is, essentially, just milk gone wrong.
Ninya (+55)
9 months ago
Rated +5
I think you mean milk gone /right/. Or butter gone better.
pnqn (+80)
9 months ago
Rated +6
I can't believe it's not better!
pnqn (+80)
9 months ago
Rated +3
Wait, that joke doesn't work.
Um, "I can't believe it got better!"
?
guys I'm sorry, I pulled an all-nighter. if these comments don't have anything to do with inorganic chemistry, I'm afraid I'll be of little use
gormster (+71)
9 months ago
Rated +3
I still can't believe that carbon gets its own Chemistry faculty. Come on guys, carbon isn't that special.
Ninya (+55)
9 months ago
Rated +1
Seriously. If it was for francium, I could understand that, but carbon... it can be so boringly stable at times.
kuma kami (+763)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Well, the fine-structure constant is changing, so in a few billion years carbon will become much more interesting.
Jonny (+1492)
9 months ago
Rated +4
That boring stability is responsible for everything from lead pencils to your own existence! Show some respect. We could be laundered with that sissy calcium instead.
Ninya (+55)
9 months ago
Rated +1
Graphite might be nice, but I'm not carbon based; I don't exist. I'm just a widely believed myth. (seriously, check snopes before believing everyone you meet on the internet is real)
nienna (+4)
9 months ago
Rated +2
I second that, I'm just a figment of collective imaginations
elenmai (+1)
8 months ago
Rated 0
I had to sign up just because I can't believe that this has turned into a conversation about Chemistry.
Also, because Daisy Owl is the most awesome thing on the Internet.
TitanFrog44 (+626)
9 months ago
Rated +1
Yeah, you're right. It's not like carbon is the bases of life or anything. Because that would just be silly.
pnqn (+80)
8 months ago
Rated +2
all your bases belong to carbon
Ninya (+55)
8 months ago
Rated 0
Wait, I'm pretty sure carbon isn't a base...
Whenever I hear that meme, I just picture a bunch of people standing around holding cleaning supplies. I'm a terrible chem-geek.
Sir Kevin (+32)
8 months ago
Rated +2
Huzzah! This jest did amuse me, I am pleased. In other news, can we wage war on our own base element? And have something more interesting, like sulphur instead? I'm almost certain everything would work out fine.
Ninya (+55)
8 months ago
Rated 0
'Twould smell terrible, though.
MrBismarck (+9)
9 months ago
Rated +9
Wrong!? I fail to see what's "wrong" about throwing acid and stomach jibblies into milk and waiting for it to congeal, adding mould along the way.
Wait, maybe I see it now.
amtriska (+226)
9 months ago
Rated +7
Nothing with the phrase "stomach jibblies" in it is ever right.
Ninya (+55)
9 months ago
Rated +4
But they're the next great fruit snack!
Also comes in "kidney squishies"
kuma kami (+763)
9 months ago
Rated +5
...and pancreas gooblies
Ninya (+55)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Lung om nommies?
Willows (+246)
9 months ago
Rated +1
Intestinal Nuggets?
Ninya (+55)
9 months ago
Rated +5
No, they've already got those at McDonalds...
Willows (+246)
9 months ago
Rated +3
I was actually trying to set someone up for an easy poop joke.
Ninya (+55)
9 months ago
Rated +7
And so you have. Why do you think I brought up McDonalds?
amtriska (+226)
9 months ago
Rated +5
"McDonald's: The Taste That Goes Right Through You!"
Rainfly_X (+272)
9 months ago
Rated +1
I'm hesitant to try to figure out how they'll incorporate that horrible clown Ronald into this ad campaign, but here goes...
"Hey kids! Wanna save the Earth with the power of RECYCLING?"
OOMPH - I just tripped the emergency shutoff circuit of my imagination.
amtriska (+226)
9 months ago
Rated 0
"And now, try the new McTexas Flip Phone!"
Urgh. I think this poop thread may have run its course.
Willows (+246)
9 months ago
Rated +2
*inserts cheap joke about The Runs here and officially pushes things too far*
Jonny (+1492)
8 months ago
Rated +1
Indeedy. Please, just stop.
Asiaticfox (+12)
8 months ago
Rated 0
It's honey cheese.
cyberwolf77 (+8)
9 months ago
Rated +5
I know Steve's pain. To have experienced the perfect cheese once, and never again to know it's cheesy awesomeness. Curse you lactose intolerance, curse you!
Dog Breath (+2416) (mod)
9 months ago
Rated +4
All cheeses are perfect. Dilemma solved.
RedRage (+11)
9 months ago
Rated +3
All cheeses are not perfect. I used to think so until I had a white cheese with bits of salami in it. Perfect in theory but not in practice.
Dog Breath (+2416) (mod)
9 months ago
Rated +4
Cheese with salami in it doesn't qualify as cheese any more than cranberry mustard qualify's as mustard. That's a state law in Wisconsin and soon to be a Federal Ordinance I think.
RedRage (+11)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Fair enough.
Koriina (+3)
8 months ago
Rated -1
No. Have you ever tasted American cheese? It's like someone melted orange plastic on a brick of shit and covered it in earwax. Then they sold it to McDonalds.
gormster (+71)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Hey man - it's called Pochego, and it's from France. Don't believe me? Read the liner notes to Rubber Soul.
Jonny (+1492)
9 months ago
Rated +6
Liner notes to Rubber Soul are always a reliable source of information.
Earlofthercs (+27)
8 months ago
Rated 0
The liner notes to rubber soul were the basis for the first 17 million wikipedia entries. John has very small handwriting.
6453893 (+92)
9 months ago
Rated +6
This situation is fraught with dramatic opportunity. If you just took the first and last panels, it would make a great artsy french film.
Ninya (+55)
9 months ago
Rated +3
Fifth and last are far more artsy.
james. (+67)
8 months ago
Rated +1
I think this was the plot to "Sophie's Choice." Wasn't it?
tekende (+120)
9 months ago
Rated +26
I camembert the last time I saw such a gouda strip.
Boss Tweedy (+49)
9 months ago
Rated +14
I didn't know you could Feta bear in a cheese shop.
Still, Steve's fear of cheese will probably get worse Tilsit gets better.
MegFitz (+51)
9 months ago
Rated +11
Oka, I didn't think this comic Colby any better but this just confirms I'll be reading Chantal Driscol stops writing.
steve (-36)
9 months ago
Rated -13
Best comment ever. The rest of you aren't even close to being funny.
Earlofthercs (+27)
8 months ago
Rated 0
Since all the comments are in the same thread they are too close to being funny by definition. Think before you comment consarn it. Or are you too distraught by Steve's cheese experience?
zetoastking (+342)
9 months ago
Rated +6
I expected this cheese pun thing to take off. Add your favorite cheese puns!
Cheese and thank you.
UncaDave (+145)
9 months ago
Rated +9
I'd make a roquefort pun.
But this is no place for blue humor.
Dog Breath (+2416) (mod)
9 months ago
Rated +5
Steve's a bit Bleu.
zetoastking (+342)
9 months ago
Rated +2
+1 because that's how it is spelled.
Ninya (+55)
9 months ago
Rated +1
No, stop the punishment...
Sandwich (+27)
9 months ago
Rated +12
yeah we´ll just Rambol on about cheese here
RWMagpie (+194)
9 months ago
Rated +13
As for poor Steve, Edam well better Brie more careful before he goes into another cheese shop...those places are filled with unknown dangers. It Bel Paese to be cautious when entering the world of fermented curds.
DasHangman (+38)
9 months ago
Rated +16
Mozzarella.
Crap, I think I did it wrong.
fragg (+11)
9 months ago
Rated +11
This punning trend has become a Muenster. It is driving my friends away--I am so Provolone!
DasHangman (+38)
9 months ago
Rated +6
This trend of puns has become so convoluted I don't know Swiss way is up!
antitrope (+52)
9 months ago
Rated +3
I think Steve was just embarrassed to have gone into a cheese shop looking for Daisy, only to discover that he'd Gloucester.
pnqn (+80)
9 months ago
Rated +5
I couldn't Kwaito any longer to make one of my own! I thought, pnqn, I though "you better Brimsen more humor this time, you're losing it." Unfortunately, this is Harzer than it looks.
gneissisnice (+82)
9 months ago
Rated +1
pnqn, you're what a Muensterous thing to say.
zetoastking (+342)
9 months ago
Rated 0
Steve will pray tonight to Cheesus Christ.
DasHangman (+38)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Ouch, that comment was kind of SHARP.
Get it? Sharp? Cheese?
I'll be here all week!
zetoastking (+342)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Thank you for saying that on Saturday.
I will open all angry CHEDDARS in my mailbox
Rainfly_X (+272)
9 months ago
Rated +1
Asiago check my mail as well.
zetoastking (+342)
8 months ago
Rated +1
Since I think Asiago is Italian, my automatic response is:
Babada-Boopie? Boopity-BAH!
Rainfly_X (+272)
8 months ago
Rated 0
I know no cheese by that name.
I don't care. It's still awesome.
RoddyBrookes (-3)
8 months ago
Rated 0
I agree, it really had alot of pepper, jack.
Boy, we're really starting a cottage industry with these puns...
antitrope (+52)
8 months ago
Rated +1
I should point out to my American friends that Gloucester is pronounced gloss-ter, not glow-cess-ter.
I don't know what's worse, making a pun, or explaining it afterwards. Only surrounded by so many other willing punners can I feel safe, and Brie a sigh of relief.
Pink666 (+47)
9 months ago
Rated +7
you guys havarti be joking me.. cheese puns? seriously?
oh crap i'm doing it too!!
what has the world come to...
RWMagpie (+194)
9 months ago
Rated +8
The appeal will wear off around midweek. I reckon Wensleydale stop posting cheese puns...
The Joker (+17)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Guys, there are much cheddar ways to make jokes...crap.
RWMagpie (+194)
9 months ago
Rated +3
Yes, and yours would be good too if only you gruyere self a set.
Just kidding, mate, natch! ;)
FBM (+140)
9 months ago
Rated +2
I wish all the cheese related puns weren't taken so I could get in on this. I wasn't afraid of cheese till I discovered it came in cottage form. Cheese and cottages aren't meant to be together.
cnj (+17)
9 months ago
Rated +4
Holy cow, this is exactly my reaction to cheese.
Princewolf (+411)
9 months ago
Rated +4
"Holy Cow" would be Swiss, right?
Dog Breath (+2416) (mod)
9 months ago
Rated +3
Unless it's his brain sadly. Then It's Mad cow disease.
becky (+232)
9 months ago
Rated +3
Almost as tasty as Swiss, and only slightly more likely to cause you serious medical problems!
pnqn (+80)
9 months ago
Rated +2
If cheese doesn't give you serious medical problems, you haven't found the right type
Jonny (+1492)
9 months ago
Rated +1
Darn. Remind me to raid the deli at Morrisons tomorrow.
Rainfly_X (+272)
8 months ago
Rated 0
Well, wide-range sampling inherently means an overdose of cheese, you just do it with more variety. No matter what you focus on, you give yourself some serious medical problems, and you can't pin down what did it.
It's like the Orient Express. THEY ALL DID IT.
cnj (+17)
9 months ago
Rated +3
HAH! I was only being honest, but you made my comment funny. Rock on.
... but seriously guys, a string of cow comments? Am I ever glad I didn't say "holy crap" - who knows what sort of cheese-hate would have followed.
(Except that , actually, I really do kind of hate cheese.)
scomu21 (+66)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Do you mean that you are Hindu and therefore won't eat products that come from cows because they are holy?
StanleyFeltcher (+17)
9 months ago
Rated +3
The cheese guy totally has experienced this reaction before.
Jonny (+1492)
9 months ago
Rated +5
Yes, every time someone enters his shop. Except when Wallace enters, he tries to hug him.
MrBennie (+11)
9 months ago
Rated +6
"It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese."
This strip instantly reminded me of The Cheese Shop....
valkyrie20 (+20)
9 months ago
Rated +3
The Monty Python sketch? If so, I totally agree.
MrBennie (+11)
9 months ago
Rated +1
Yes, I was talking about the sketch, it's my favourite.
Or at least pretty close to the top.
Magician (+82)
9 months ago
Rated +1
I also instantly thought of the cheese shop sketch. Incidentally, I imagine I am one of the few who do not fear cheese, because I am actually pretty into cheeses.
PFC blue (+233)
9 months ago
Rated +2
I worship a good havarti.
b3ar (+85)
9 months ago
Rated +2
It reminded me of a teenager awkwardly asking a pharmacist about prophylactics.
Princewolf (+411)
9 months ago
Rated +23
Inexperienced lad to pharmacist:
(Awkwardly.)
"Excuse me sir, but I am looking for the best rubber there is."
Pharmacist/prophylactic connoisseur:
"What do you mean?"
Lad:
"Um, you know.... um... er.... I.... "
Pharmacist/prophylactic connoisseur:
" No problem. Can you remember the texture? Was it like a Trojan Ultra-Ribbed-Pleasure-Deluxe or a Shaggodelic French-Glow-Worm Nubbly-Bumper?"
Lad:
"I...
I have to go now... This was a mistake. I'm so sorry."
(Runs off into the night.)
Pharmacist/prophylactic connoisseur:
(As little bell on door jingles.)
"Damn."
scomu21 (+66)
9 months ago
Rated +4
Karma for the word Nubbly-Bumper.
Jonny (+1492)
9 months ago
Rated +2
More Karma for the use of the word prophylactic.
Rare (+4194) (mod)
9 months ago
Rated +8
I demand a brand of condoms called French glow worm nubbly bumpers.
becky (+232)
9 months ago
Rated +6
I think that the WORLD demands a brand of condoms called French glow worm nubbly bumpers.
Rainfly_X (+272)
9 months ago
Rated -1
"Honey, that was AMAZING! Were you using one of those new French Glow-worm Nubbly Bumpers?"
Jonny (+1492)
8 months ago
Rated 0
Why, yes! How did you guess? :)
tom (+222)
8 months ago
Rated +3
Because it smelt like cheese and croissants.
The Joker (+17)
9 months ago
Rated +1
+1 for Shaggodelic.
RoddyBrookes (-3)
8 months ago
Rated 0
I think the most disturbing part is the pharmacist's disappointment...
Princewolf (+411)
8 months ago
Rated 0
I'm glad someone caught that. Sometimes literary subtleties can be lost when the word "Shagodellic" is involved.
valkyrie20 (+20)
9 months ago
Rated +14
Five years down the road, Steve and the perfect cheese get in opposing elevators and press the button for the same floor.
gers2076 (+25)
9 months ago
Rated +4
Hopefully... hopefully, Steve does not go and try to buy the perfect cracker...
Kitsune (+117)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Or maybe... just maybe... he already has. It simply makes the cheese fiasco that much more tragic.
Jonny (+1492)
9 months ago
Rated +1
He technically already has. Look at Panel 9.
Ninya (+55)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Ah, but they're not necessarily the perfect crackers...
Rainfly_X (+272)
8 months ago
Rated +1
How can you tell without the perfect cheese to match them with? Oh, a conundrum that even the gods of Dairy cannot fathom an answer to... the woe of the unknowable, which you can only ponder for century upon century, never realizing that a panicked split-second decision is all you ever really needed to search your heart and find the answer true...
large.roaming.ungulates (+16)
9 months ago
Rated +1
The fact that I am living to the chipmunk's rendition of "Home" by Chris Daughtry provided the background music and in the whole scene unfolded in slow motion in my mind, with Alvin serenading.
[wipes a tear] Goddamnit, that was so touching.
large.roaming.ungulates (+16)
9 months ago
Rated +2
And that should definitely read "listening to" and not "living to". I'm not sure what that tells you about my psyche.
gneissisnice (+82)
9 months ago
Rated +2
Freudian slip ftw.
ShineTilly (+25)
9 months ago
Rated +11
Crackers with no cheese and a side of embarrassment.... There can be no deeper isolation...
Dog Breath (+2416) (mod)
9 months ago
Rated +1
At least no one he knows saw him get served at the cheese counter. That would be unbearable!
allwaysnice (+129)
9 months ago
Rated +2
I am sure that if he had been served...his crackers would not of been barren. (bear-en? :D)
waxy (+12)
9 months ago
Rated +1
I've also found that cheeses with less packaging are exponentially scarier.
pnqn (+80)
9 months ago
Rated +1
yeah!
wrapped in syran wrap, found under pile of stuff in your friend's car.
PFC blue (+233)
9 months ago
Rated +3
In Atlanta.
Rainfly_X (+272)
8 months ago
Rated 0
Now whenever I think of packaging, I will get caught in a loop trying to figure out what levels are high enough not to count. Is a country packaging? A planet? A universe?
I am in a philosophical mood.
Kitsune (+117)
9 months ago
Rated +12
I feel bad for the cheese man. Steve may be alone and cheese-less tonight, but the shop owner has to live with the pain of watching countless souls flee from the subtle yet beautiful world of cheese. He doesn't judge their less refined understanding of cheeses; he merely wants to guide them into a more delicious existence.
Rare (+4194) (mod)
9 months ago
Rated +2
A cheese shop owner once sold me moldy cheese. And it was the bad mold.
Rare (+4194) (mod)
9 months ago
Rated +1
I have no idea what that has to do with the poetry of your post but I had to share.
Jonny (+1492)
9 months ago
Rated +2
There is no such thing as bad mold on cheese. Just as there is no such thing as bad fat on bacon.
Sir Kevin (+32)
9 months ago
Rated +2
This is surely madness! I am at one with bacon, but the fat can indeed be bad. It take just the right temperature and time to make the fat of bacons crispy, but if there is too much fat, trouble is afoot.
Princewolf (+411)
8 months ago
Rated +1
I must say that the previous comment has two phrases that I will probably spend the rest of the week trying to fit into a conversation:
"I am one with the bacon."
"...if there is too much fat, trouble is afoot."
Brilliant linguistic elegance! Bravo!
Comments - page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
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